And So it Begins

I suck at introductions. I'm a mother of four, and a wife of one. I have a dog, two cats, and a bundle of slightly neurotic behaviours that I choose to call "personality." I loathe the Oxford comma, and I'm loathe to give it up.

I'm a perfectionist. My therapist tells me some of my goals are unrealistic. I say she's not setting her sights high enough.

One of the manifestations of my perfectionism is being obsessed with finding the perfect schedule. If I can just find the right schedule, all my problems will be solved. My house will be sparkling, my children will be well-behaved supergeniuses, my dog will stop shedding, my cats will clean their own litterbox, and my hair will be glossy and bouncy.

I've attempted many schedules over the years, and they've all failed. Some of them have failed because they've been frankly awful, but most of them have failed because the ruthless perfection seeker in me didn't see instant, flawless results, and abandoned them. Hey - nobody said I was perfect. I just have unrealistic expectations of myself and I'm relentlessly driven to achieve them.

So, a few things.

• Housewives in the 1950s used to burn a whole lot of calories doing housework - like, over 1000 calories a day. (Yeah, it's a Daily Mail link. I'll scrub the shame off in the shower later, I promise.) And I could <i>totally</i> stand to burn that many calories as I go about my business. God knows I don't have the time to go to the gym.
• I'm cheap. Hella cheap. (Do the kids still say "hella"? Did they ever?) But there's always room for improvement. Bring on the spirit of vintage thrift!
• I'm a project person. I love having a project to work on. But more specifically, I'm a compulsive project starter, and a terrible project follower-througher. I'm hoping that making a public spectacle of myself will engender better sticktoitiveness.
• I'm not going whole hog with this. There will be no vintage appliances, no wardrobe overhauls, and I'm pretty loathe to abandon Florence + the Machine in favour of Elvis Presley. I'm not going to eat an exclusively 50s diet - I am one of those insufferable people who can't eat regular food without getting sick, and it looks like my son might be following in my footsteps. This isn't Time Warp Wives, it's Fifties in the Future. Because 2012 is totally the future, even if I don't have a hover car. Yet.

I don't have a huge stack of research material, although I do have access to the library and I'm not afraid to use it. Primarily, though, I'll be gathering my inspirations from sources like Jen But Never Jenn , Things Your Grandmother Knew, The Apron Revolution, Tipnut, Diary of a Vintage Girl, Amy Alessio, and God knows whatever else strikes my fancy. I'm not breaking new ground here, and I'm not a faithful recreationist. I'm just trying to have some fun.

See you in the car,
-Milhouse